pretty good stuff! I'm curious if you sound mixed the vocals and music yourself. volume adjustment is tricky so if you need help with it, ask aalasteir, tell em dex sent ya!
you have the ideal personality and tone for a commercial but you slur some of the filler words inbtween the important words. [01:02 'all the fun vvvr remember] [00:15 'when every day feel like ___ constant struggle]
also hot topic has WHAT-o-pops? it didn't sound like the word 'funk' lol.
P.S. if you want people to see your soundcloud, perhaps put a link to your soundcloud on your NG profile page?
keep up the voice work Midori! you got this!!